Fairy Tales

Since my youth, I always wanted one of those fairy tale lives.... You know, the life that was fun even before meeting the prince, but had even more meaning after.... The life that, though perhaps there was heartache and struggle, would prove itself to be abundant and hopeful. I wonder now where that hope went....

Do fairy tales really set us up for heartache? As little girls (especially) we hear the stories and start building our expectations for the future. There is so much expectation, so much anticipation, and the characters in the stories seem perfect, that the epic failure of two people to meet that expectation can be utterly devastating.

One person stops trying, another gives up hope. They are left then in a darkness that overwhelms them both. Their dreams shatter like glass in their hands.

Please don't understand my rant here to say that I have given up, that in my experiences of brokenness I don't even want to try anymore.... I do. But I was told today that this has been easy for me. But it has not been. Work has been a reprieve. 26 hours of overtime in 1 week has helped me stay sane, helped me to keep my head above water. But on a Saturday night when perhaps we would have otherwise been watching a movie on the couch, or sharing a pizza and some hopeful conversation, I am alone with my thoughts, and with some messages I am not sure what to do with....

Life is easy for me, eh? No, it is not. For all my happiness that I share, there is sadness and worry that I do not. There are thoughts and worries and fears that plague me that I cannot put to words. Since I cannot express them I cannot move past them. I live behind a fence. Hedged in, unable or unwilling (sometimes I am unsure which) to break out, to push through. Not knowing how. Or even where to start. In some everyday tasks I have to try harder than others. Sure, some things come easy, but by the grace of God, not by my own abilities, not by my own design. And if ease comes from the grace of God, am I to blame for another's difficulty?

Perhaps it seems I am not struggling as much as another. Frankly, I could have worked another 8 hours tonight without a break just to keep this off my mind. There are thoughts I don't care to think, that I don't want to be left alone with. On the other side of the spectrum is the one whose struggles are always at the forefront of his mind, and his station in life at the moment gives his thoughts plenty of time to haunt him, as well....

I am sorry that he hurts so much when it appears I do not.... His anger and frustration bring me to tears, because a part of me feels responsible for his pain.... I cannot carry the burden of two, and I am not all to blame. Nor is he.

I wish I knew what could ease his pain, and what I could do. But I don't, so I can't.

Father God, You are merciful and you bring hope to the hurting.... Won't You do that this night? Won't You bring comfort to Your children who call out to You? Help us to find forgiveness and mercy for each other as we struggle separately and differently. Help us to lean on You and trust You in these hard times. I thank You in advance for Your faithfulness to do so. In Jesus' name.