The intention when I started this blog was that I would have something to share each day about my walk with God. It would be a new start of sorts, hopefully showing progress rom start to finish. It seems I have failed that initial attempt. Ironic, considering I just purchased the movie Julie & Julia. Julie struggled everyday to try something new, apply some skill, and blog about it to whomever was reading. I have not gotten all the way to the end, but it looks like that drive for success, the desire to actually accomplish a goal, killed her realationship with her husband. I haven't watched it to the end, so please, no spoilers!
Discipline is something I lack in my life. I used to possess it to a certain degree. Life was manageable then. Sometimes now it feels like my life is spinning out of control. Not sure when or why or how I came to the point of...apathy. Some things would surprise you. I am not confessing them here. In a brief conversation with a friend from church, we discussed married life vs single life, the pros and cons of both. I've very well come to the conclusion that while there is more work in a marital relationship, in setting up and keeping house together, at least there is another to help carry that burden. In the chaos that has ensued in my life in recent weeks, I have not touched laundry except for what can get me through work for the next few days. I just moved into this small bedroom, and nothing is unpacked yet, nothing is sorted and organized. It's almost like living out of a suitcase. I have not carried my share of housework in weeks, have not sat down and gone over my budget in a month. Between work and hospital visits, there has been no time for anything. Perhaps it would be "easier" to have a helpmate at this point. But suddenly am overwhelmed with the thought of sharing certain burdens with another, and hardly think it is fair or right to do so.
I know I am rambling. All these things tie together in my mind, though I fail to make the connections here.
Do I dare pray for more discipline in my life? Ugh. I know much of what I lack in discipline, and do NOT look forward to facing those consequences. So I guess for now I will bury my head in the sand, at least in some regard. In others I will try to press on. For now, it's bedtime.